Physics Teacher in another school

Was talking about physics teacher being weird or a problem in our school (read the posts about OUR/MY physics teacher ) with my cousin and he told me that one day his fat physics teacher had an argument with his wife and guess what happened ?


Mr.Physics spent two nights sleeping in the school physics lab

BMW

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground."What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Holy crap", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"

michael jackson

Q: Why did Michael Jackson called Boyz-2-men ??



A: He thought it was a delivery service

Disco

It was the first time Ah Boy had gone to a disco. He was invited by his friend who told him its a place he must visit at least once. As he looked around , he muttered to the person next to him , " This is a fantastic place and the people are awesome. Look at that chick over there with dyed yellow hair , tight pink jeans that fit like a leopard skin ; ten-inch high boots..."

" That , " said the person standing next to Ah Boy , " is not a chick. That's my son. "


" Oh I'm sorry , " said Ah Boy , blushing with embarrassment. " I didn't know you were his father "




" I'm not , I'm his mother "

New York Park

Walking in a New York park , John saw a boy being attacked by a stray dog. A passer-by saw this too and immediately jumped to the boy's rescue. Catching the dog , he punched it to death. A reporter for a local New York paper caught sight of all this and took pictures for a front page picture on the following day's edition. The reporter approached the hero and he said , " Your heroic act will be published in tommorow's paper under the headline , " BRAVE NEW YORKER RESCUES BOY "

" I am not from New York " said the hero

" Oh , in that case we will use the headline : BRAVE AMERICAN RESCUES BOY FROM WILD DOG. "

" I am not an American either " said the brave hero

on being asked who he really is , he replied " I am a Pakistani "







The next day , on the front page of the NEW YORK PAPERs , were the headline

MUSLIM FUNDAMENTALIST CLUBS DOG TO DEATH IN NEW YORK PARK. FBI INVESTIGATING POSSIBLE LINK TO AL-QAEDA*

Msn Chatlogs : Lester, The "Chief" Chef Of Hilton (as he calls it)

This was from form 3, after PMR, i think.

You have just sent a Nudge!

lester says:

Fuu i tel u man. I got a place in the hilton hotel kitchen. Chief chef

Xian says:

so what im master chef. ni under wo

lester says:

How would you like your steak sir?

Boiled, Fried, or Marinated

boiled sir? thank you

Xian says:

LOL BOILED STEAK. Failed so fast.

:lester says:

wat u know about cooking steaks la -.-

How would you like your steak boiled sir?

10 min boil, 30 min boil, 2 hour boil

Xian says:

LOL! BOIL STEAK! KELAKAR!

lester says:

..

lester says:

i go mandi. 1 day when u see my salary higher than a star footballer. You will be shocked

Xian says:

of course i will. Cause it 'll nvr happen.

lester says:

with 18 years of cooking experiences under his belt, siew is indeed a very seasoned and good-looking chef

Being chef at the highest level : My Autobiography

By Lester S. w. k.

#1 best seller at new york and kuala lumpur for 23 consecutive weeks

Xian says:

"from various recipies and styles of boiled steak to steamed tempura"

lester says:

it isn't surprising that 1 simple egg meal of his costs more than the white house

even Putrajaya

ian says:

LOL! ROFL u so pandai make ppl laugh

lester says:

amaze la wat so funny now. I tilik my own nasib edi. Now im telling wat's going to happen

Xian says:

LOL

lester says:

For now siew keeps his cool and waits for the opportunity when he will one day prove his cookings are of the highest quality

Xian says:

LOL

ian says:

ROFL

Xian says:

memang ur name also proves ur mazainezz people type also put 'Tan' u pulak 'siew'

lester says:

i go mandi. later ill teach u all some recipes

Xian says:

u mean boiled steaks or steamed tempura prawns?

ian says:

LOL boiled steaks.. adui

Xian says:

LOL

lester says:

for now im going to learn the water temperatures to extract the taste out of food thru my bath water

ian says:

gerai siew

Xian says:

LOl

lester says:

-.- brb

Kit has left the conversation.

Kit has been added to the conversation.

Xian says:

LOL mau lari

ian says:

lool Gerai Makanan Siew. Weh u know boiled steaks is like u making beef noodle without the soup and the noodle u use plain water to boil it like.. /omg

Eh so like he mau jadi chef la means4W or 4P best class learn art .. be creative to design ur boiled steaks

I wonder how the Fried beef tastes like and how come i have a choice between Fried, Boiled and Marinated. It sounds like Fried and Boiled Steak isn't marinated and the MArinated one sounds like its servdr raw.

Then last year, when Les was watching Dave(from purepwnage and www.proatcooking.com), he heard him saiying "boiled steak" Then he showed me the search results from Yahoo. When i clicked the link, i saw "Did you mean Broiled Steak?

But now i tried searching again.... =.=

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiled_beef

Boiled beef is a traditional English dish which used to be eaten by working class people in London, though its popularity has died in recent years. Traditionally it was the the cheaper cuts of meat that were used as boiling would make the meat more tender than roasting. It was usually cooked with onions and served with carrots and boiled potatoes.

OMG?!? Maybe he's right after all?
NAH it was Boiled Steak he was talking about. Besides, boiled beef, as shown above, is definitely in the cheaper range of food. No one will pay top dollar for that.

AHAHA loserrrr. XD

Dumb Guard

Yesterday , my mom and i were in her car on the way home when we entered through the backway of a 'gated community' (don't ask why the back wasn't gated , only the front ) , so then , we needed to exit through the front and drove along the ONE WAY STREET towards the guard post infront , and seeing that its a one way street and that our car is going towards the EXIT direction , we expected the guard to lift the barrier for us to go through , but instead , he walked over and my mom had to wind down the window , and he asked

" Keluar ? "
" ummm.. YA ? "

then he walks over and did what he could have done earlier which is lift the barrier

Shift

Yesterday in school , during our physics paper , one question had an error where the pictures of the two different light bulbs were mixed up and had to be shifted to replace each other (the right pic goes to the left , the left pic goes to the right) , then our physics teacher (not mentioning names) came in to tell us of the correction and then started to write the correction on the white board , instead of writing shift he started writing ... S....W...I...

then he paused to think for a while , i think this was whats going through his head " hmmm.... sif sif , how to spial sif ah ? my england is so powderful everytime aso i scold the sudents with my bombiastick enlish , must not ask them how to spial , let's see , sif sif , aiyo , its shwif i think .."


And then , he completed the sentence on the white board


SWIFT THE PICTURES


english yang canggih

Funny DAP Video vs Crimes

Beware of shouting
1:50 , 2:40 LOL

Hilarious Dap Video vs MCA

Beware of his energy.

Watch out for 0:40

Find more from the user "dapkl"

Best DAP Video Vs Astronaut*****

Beware of "some" shouting.

There are many more vids by this speaker posted by the user "dapkl" reccomended

There are 2 more DAP vids under the label "Stuff In Chinese"

No Talking

The exam was starting and the teacher told all of us to be quite.

She said, " The exam is starting. No talking."

Then Yung Siang said, "Whisper can ah?"

Lee Meng - spelling

Today before going in for Biology test , Lee Meng was kinda struggling to pronounce Lutenising Hormone properly , and I helped him and he asked " Is lutenising spelled with an S or a Z , i told him one spelling was british and the other american and he said " but i'm chinese how to spell ? "

















Then , after the exam , while walking out the school , although Lutenising Hormone was not an answer in any of the question in the paper , Lee Meng put it as an answer in one of the questions and guess what he said ...


" What's that LH hormone already ah ? I put LINGUISTIC HORMONE then i cancel and just put LH , I lazy to think dy "



LAWL !

Matchstick - by Matthew

Matthew asked me to post this here for two days in a row , so to shut him up , here it is



A matchstick scratched its head and it burst into flames , it was then sent to the hospital where its head was bandaged , what does the matchstick becomes now ?





A cotton bud

Ms.Yap .... Yes again

Today , in school , it was revision period for the students who were not taking the mandarin exam. I was in a 'study group ' that consisted of Leo , Tanzy and Set Wai Hong.

For two of the periods , Ms.Yap was the teacher in charge and she kept on bugging us although the rest of the class were more noisy kinda did a triple , saying something lame three times in a period.

First , she went over to Matthew who brought an all-red Man U sling bag and she asked Matthew " Why is your bag so red ? Chinese New Year ah ? "

Second , she came over again , and Leo tried to distract her by saying he was hungry and she said " You're hungry , eat your own fingers la "

Then , before she left the class she said " 5K and 5C , you're very noisy , next door are having an exam , don't be so noisy or NOISERER "

??? is that a word ???

Bridget

Tun Hong and Wei Han knows someone called Bridget, as you all have seen in the cbox, aka Bri.
So one day in the Physics lab, this is what Tun Hong said.

"What is Bridge plus T?

Briget la.









No. T-Bridge."

Shaun : Cinema

One day, a few people from HELP College gave a talk and asked us to fill up our contact details so that they can call us back.

A few weeks later, Shaun and a few friends were wasting thier money on Alien versus Predator in the cinema when his phone rang.

Shaun : Hello?

Caller : Hi we're from HELP. You sent in your form and wanted to know more about our buisness course right?

Shaun : I'm watching a movie.

HELP Caller : What movie you watching ah?

Shaun : I'm in the cinema la.

HELP caller : Okok. Bye.

Bapok

This was from 2 people in Blueserver.


Hex : Bob r u a pondan or bapok
Suijai : Sure bapok la
Hex: LOLOL
Suijai : what is bapok actually?

Suijai = Bob
bapok = pondan=sissy

DotA related quote**

I buy Dagon for sniper so that can kill the escaping enemies ma

-Mock Kar Wai

Lee Meng's threat

Today , in school , i said something that insulted Lee Meng's lameness , and he added more damage to it by saying this


" You ah , I must make another BLOG and talk about you "


Funny , doesn't Lee Meng's lines always backfire ?

P*nis - by Matthew

Metthe[ Warning , the following joke by Matthew uses a word sensitive for some which is P-nes , Read at your own risk ] (well who cares anyway )


A guy with a small penis like a pinky goes to a bomoh for advice and the bomoh advised him to dip it in some tea everyday for a week .

After a week , the man goes back to the bomoh , this time with penis so skinny like a lead and asks for serious help , the bomoh asked the man what happened ?

He replied " I don't know , I did what you told me "

The bomoh aked " What tea did you dip it in ? "






" Slimming tea "

Wei Kwang - Death in the opposite house

today in school , was studying teh poem ' death in the opposite house ' , asked Wei Kwang a question on the similarity between the dead man and the one who flung the mattress out the window and he didnt know , so told him that the two characters remained anonymous through the entire poem and he said

" No , the dead man flings the mattress out the window "

then he gives the regretful look and says sorry , realising he had just been lame and hoping that i dont post it here , well , i cant help it wei kwang :-D

Cbox : The Great Lee Meng

--retains his lameness(not the Wei Kwang type)

Bri: Haha! were you saying im the 2nd gal? =D
meng: bri..ur de 2nd gal? den who is wei han's 1st gal?
Bri: haha this u hav 2 ask him *GG*

meng: ur eyes can do de words GG???

Speak with proper structure or else...

Our pricipal once , in an angry mood (all the time ) made an announcement on caning cc goers , this was part of his speech

" You better not visit the cybercafe , this time I won't let other teacher's cane you ...

and then...

" I make sure this time I'll cane MYSELF , and I will make sure i cane until it bleeds "

[ Students were trying thier best to hold on and not burst into laughter ]

Stupid Hitz.fm callers

I was in the car one day when the DJ, Adam C said, "Ok its now time to read our e-mail dedications. We have Azlan from Penang. Azlan writes,"Play me a song from the 80's --- the years before I was born."



Then another day, Adam C/Ean got a caller. He said,"i wish to dedicate a Jesse McCartney song to my girlfriend who just broke up with me. Sarah! WHY did you break up with me? Now im lonely! So I'll break up with you first by dedicating this JEsse McCartney song to you!"

The DJ replied, " How can you break up with her first if she already broke up with you?"

The caller shouted, " Shut up and just play the JEsse McCartney song la!"

DJ : Ok ok ok.

Funky english

This is a funky line by one of our teachers , the physics teacher , but i'm not mentioning any names , it just rhymes with ong and tong and can mean undies

" Boy , why you keep talking ? Your're disturbing your friends who want to learn ! How can you be so sarcastic ? "

Lee Meng's name dilemma...solved

One day , one of us called Lee Meng by his middle name Meng suring assembly and suddenly , i forgotten how , Js and i ended up arguing on what we should call Lee Meng and JS asked Lee Meng " Lee Meng , what do you prefer one to call you ? Meng ? Lee Meng ?.."

Lee Meng answered " Don't Know "

Tanzy then said " OK ! We'll call you don't know ! Don't know "

Wei Keat - flies

Est teacher : " Sometimes the malay stalls in the canteen don't cover thier food and
let the houseflies fly around huh ? "

Wei Keat : " Teacher , its school flies not houseflies "

Wei Kwang - Paper's origin

The other day , Wei Han asked Wei Kwang " Where is the peta minda paper ? "

Wei Kwang replied " It is still a tree "

Wei han , EST paper

One day , the EST teacher was asking for a paper she gave out and this happened

EST Teacher : " Last week I gave you a worksheet.."

Wei han : " What shit ? "

JS - rapper

One day in school , lester got called up during assembly for a very nerdish book-wrapping competition ( don't ask ) , then everyone found out that lester really sucked at wrapping books as he wrapped a textbook in ten minutes and it couldn't be closed because it was so badly wrapped , then...

lester came down after all the participants were dismissed and JS said this

" Why can't you wrap your books ? don't have the rhymes ? "
" chinese wrapper(rapper) " - laughs

Mega compilation of Quotes

" Which planet is very smelly ? Ur anus " - JS


" Don't know how to manage your money , you got no treasurer la ! " - Lee Meng


" At first , I thought that usher song was My Boob , My boob , you wil always be my boob instead of boo " - JS


" Taboob " - Shaun


" What hotel is near the Westin ? Eastin " - Tanzy


" I got the shock of my life ! " - Mrs.Saw


" Cliff-edge " - Wei Kwang


" I want meat , MEAT ! " - JS


" Your very discouraging ah ! " - Lee Meng


" I got the book of joy ! " [holding the book up high] - Tanzy


" Persatuan Melayu dihidupkan semula , yang mati lama itu balik " - Pn.Kasturi


" Teacher , i exercise everyday , one day one second " - Johnny Ho

Ms.Yap , lamest teacher ever..

One day , in form 4 , Ms.Yap was teaching math when she came to the topic involving tabulation/table , she then touched the front table and went " not this table ah , the table in your book ok "



One day , also in form 4 , while teaching , Ms.Yap just went , what is ten plus ten plus ten ?
One student answered thirty
And she said , " no its tententen ! "



One day , in form 5 this time , this year , she asked Siah Say Yeong a question and he kept quiet and she said " Say Yeong must change your name to Quiet Yeong dy "



Last week , while teaching , someone asked if he can use a calculator to find the answer for a certain topic and Ms.Yap said " If you use the calculator to calculate the number of bases , I will give marks to the calculator not you "

Kelvin Kum and the Elephant

Yes, Kum is his real name.

Quite some time ago, i was chatting with Kum, saying that i will get straight A's for SPM. He didnt reply me in time because i went off line. So he had to send me an e-mail. It read :

>
> dis time c SPM LA
> I sure get 12 straight A's
(that was my Msn message which he pasted into the email message)

i sure straight .....


" A "

Alephant.

I couldnt stop myself from laughing at his reply.

countdown

wahahaha luckily i still have this s/s

it was 30th dec 2007, JS, Lowzy(new character) and me were in topazchat
and this happened

Secret is Lowzy's ID and Xavius is JS's
Lowzy, as blur as usual thought it was almost new year and started to countdown
it was really funny that time...........

poonie is also his nickname

Japanese Tourist - Malaysian Cabbie

A japanese tourist got onto a taxi in Sri Petaling and asked to be taken to KLIA. On the way , a car sped by and the tourist said , " Oh ! Nissan ! Made in Japan. Very fast !"

Not long after , another car zoomed by the taxi. " Oh ! Toyota ! Made in Japan. Very fast ! "

Yet another car flew by. " Oh ! Honda ! Made in Japan. Very fast ! "

The taxi driver who was a pure Malaysian , was starting to get annoyed that all these Japanese-made cars were passing his Proton Waja when once again , another car passed his taxi as they were turning into the airport and the tourist again said " Oh ! Mitsubishi ! Made in Japan. Very fast ! "

The taxi driver arrived at the airport and pointed to the meter and said , " One hundred thirty ringgit ! "

" One hundred thirty ringgit ? Why so much ? " the Japanese tourist questioned.

" Oh ! Taxi meter ! Made in Japan. Very fast ! " replied the cabbie.

The Underworld

What does the Devil/Satan drink in order to not get sick?

Hell Tea. ( if u dont understand, repeat it 10 times quickly)



-JS

The History of Chong(张)

It was the MBS-CBN Joint IU day. The long awaited performance by Aural Joint had to be delayed as one of the band members was late.

Luckily, there were enough brave people who are willing to do spontaneous dance or sing a japanese song while speaking with an imitated fake American accent.

Some were not bad as it was not prepared for; Some were hilarious, until today.

So after a few days, Afiq told us about something which had happened to him. He said :

"After the performance (by Aural Joint), I met Ken Hin's girlfriend. So he introduce me to his girlfriend. He said, "This is Afiq." Then she said,"HAH?! HE MALAY AH?!"

Waa so cham she talk to me like that then i said, "No. No. Muslim. Muslim."

Then he said to us, "Next time call me Chong la."

Afiq is a "Chilay" or a "Manese" or Malay + Chinese. I personally fell Manese is more suitable because "Chilay" sounds like "Chilli" and thats overrated. Even though "Manly" is not right but its the better alternative. Just take it as sarcasm.

The term Chilay and Manese is brought to you courtosey of another Chilay... i mean Manese who doesnt not wish to be named. Whoever who wants the full story on The History of Chilay and Manese, post a comment please to convince the original contributor to change his mine for he gave me a _|_ when i asked for permission. I can post it in the MSN Chatlogs format :D

and a another 1 =P

hyperactive paranoids

omg the two other authors got so many post
so darn hard to keep up with them
they got 20++ posts each already

so, here's one post....hooray

tzy's post : +1

sleeping habits

the last one about designer is supposed to mean that they're darn busy they don't get any sleep.

Never trust a BOMOH

Hassan has this problem of being late to work everyday because he wakes up late. His head of department was not happy about this and warned Hassan he would fire Hassan if he continues this habit.

Hassan went to consult a Bomoh who gave him some flowers and advised him to bath in scented water every night before going to bed. On the first night , Hassan slept like a baby and woke up fresh and alert early in the morning. He had a good breakfast and went to the office happily.

" The flower bath really worked ! " he told his boss.

" Well that's good " said the head of department. " But where were you yesterday ? "

yet again , another one from woo

-demand by afiq/chong-




One day in school , woo xian lum just said , " When i play the drum ho , if one of the drumsticks break i use one of my hand to reach out to the tree and cut the tree to make another drumstick "



another one from the man...


one day , thier physics teacher didnt turn up for physics class as supposed to even after quite some time and a student asks " why is Mr.Thong late ? " Woo replies " Because he climbed up the tree "

F.e.man part 2 + an extra

continued ..

wei han says

wat happens if ironman bends ? - Paperclip

wat happens if ironman spins ? - Spring



extra from wei han


how do you catch a sheep ? - lie down and act like grass

LAME

" I am so lonely right now i need someone "

" Why do you need someone ? why not someTWO !"

Apple

Someone once answered me on this but i forgotten who , i think it was lee meng .. again

it goes :

me : an apple a day keeps the doctor away

respondant : What apple ? apple computer ?

me : (smack on the head)

Woo Xian Lum

During one of our house practices , we were all preparing to be tested on the 100m run and were talking bout how fast we each can reach the end and Woo said " I can run 100m in 0.01 seconds " everyone laughed like hell at his lameness and then one of us asked him how can he run 100m in 0.01 seconds and he said ...

" Can , I run on the map la "

Meng time

(In Class)

Lee Meng : Screw you la you NERD

Me : Why you like to screw yourself ?

Lee Meng : (speechless)

Js : (LOL'y like hell watching his 'rival' getting humiliated)

$$$$

u want to know how i make $$$$ with computers ?? easy, juz hold shift and press 4, 4, 4, 4.............

To The Special Someone :)(updated 4/5/08)

I can finally muster the courage to say this. Here it goes,

I just like to see the smile on your face, yes u know who you are, i hope. It makes me happy. It brings me so much joy knowing that this book/blog made you laugh~ XD.

Yes you. The one reading this. Our readers :D

Breathing

One day, Hock Seng, Lester and Shaun were in Tun Hong's house.

Then Hock Seng had to shit in Tun Hong's toilet on the second floor. The other 3 of them were on the second floor too, nearby the toilet.

3 of them didn't to rely on their eyes nor their ears to know when Hock Seng was done. By the time Hock Seng shut the toilet door behind him, Shaun and Tun Hong were on the 1st floor already. They dashed downstairs away from the foul stench.

In Hock Sengs own words, " When i come out, both of them rush down straightaway. But Lester was stil sitting there calmly. I asked him, not smelly meh?"

Lester replied, " I am breathing through my mouth."

stupid fella

One day, one Indian guy came and talk to Shaun and me.............

Indian : Weh, let's have a football match. My class got Para, Ganesh and me sure win.
Me : U so small size, our defender one kick, you fly to the Sun.
Indian : Nevermind, when I reach the Sun at night adi...........

Shaun and Me : lolololololololol

Indian :.........oops......(try to chg topic) weh, no lah, your class scared to fight us isit?

to make sure this indian guy will not be humiliated further more, his name is Suges.
So when anybody see Suges, please don't mention about this........geddit geddit ?