Jie Xian : My Near Death Experience (Continued)

No matter how ridiculous this sounds. I swear that this is really what i have experienced. I'm going to tell you another story.

I'll skip to where it all happened.


I was in a car, together with my family. Suddenly, I heard some loud noises and screams. We were near a bank. I saw a group of men outside the bank who looked like the supposed robbers, brandishing their guns to warn everyone.

My first reaction was to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! But no, my father had to slow down and watch the drama unfold.

They were paving the way for their getaway. I couldn't help but to notice one of them who stood out. I assumed that he was the leader as he looked big even among the others, and he dressed differently. I think I saw a fur coat on him. I couldn't believe my eyes although I had it glued on him while he was getting into the getaway car.

I had a cocktail of emotions blending inside while I was watching him. I was so afraid of being a victim, yet awed by the "leader"'s material wealth, but most of all, relieved that we may be safe very very soon, as soon as they went away.

I blamed my father and myself. Him, for doing what I knew so well was suicidal, and me for doing something so stupid.

Just as he opened the car door, he turned around and the first thing he saw was my two black eyes looking straight back at him. Without having to think or decide, he raised his gun and shot straight at me while I watched his every action helplessly.

I hoped for the best but I knew my time was up. The next thing I knew, there was an unbearable pain in my ear. It was like someone pinched my ear, stapled it and hammered it together. That, crushed my only hope. The hope to be so relieved to find out that it was only a dream.

======

Surprisingly, I was still conscious. Not that I can move my body, but my mind still, is working. I knew my body was dead and I knew why. I hypothesized that it was because I saw his face that he had to get rid of me.

My vision turns into a bright, white light and I felt lighter, as if I was floating. I was calm and at peace, felling absolutely no pain. I had heard stories about other near death experiences that was similar. They too saw white light but also some long wire before that, which I didn't see. I didn't really believe their story, nor did I even expect it to happen to me. But there I was. I did what I had learnt, to let go of, who I loved, who I know. what I had and what I want to have, to ultimately, accept my situation, to accept death.

However, this sensation did not last for a long time. The pain in my ear came back. So did my vision. It show me a hospital. I could not believe myself as I walked into the hospital slowly, unassisted by my family. None of this made sense.

After walking towards the hospital for a few minutes, my eyes opened again.

This time, I was staring at the floor of my mother's room. I was lying down sideways, with my heavy head pressing onto my ears which were bent inwards, covering my 'ear hole' (the auditory canal) and outwards, and inwards again.


The mystery of the bullet-shot injury to my ear was solved. My ears had really hurt in real life, because my head was pressing onto it.

=======


I've been in similar situation before, where I hear the ringing of my alarm clock and i just cant turn it off, even after I turned it off or flung it on the floor.

Later, I woke up realising that I'm late for school. The alarm clock has been ringing for 10 minutes.

Jie Xian : The Most Shocking Happening The Megamall Parking Lot

This is a true story that really happened to me. It's not a joke but I want to tell you what had happened.

It was just another day in Megamall during the holidays when we went back to our parking lot. We soon realised that it was not just another day at Mid Valley.

A different car was there instead of ours.

The thing is, this time, I was positive we had parked our car there. This time, i made a mental note on where we had parked. It was definitely the second row from the right after exiting the Ticket Payment Area (or whatever it is called, I don't know) and it was in the 'C' area and about a mere 10 metres away from the Ticket Payment Area.

I asked my elder brother, who was the only person with me (he is the one who is driving). He, too was sure about the parking lot.

I didn't know who would want to steal our 10 year old Proton Satria. Maybe it was just for the parking lot? That didn't make sense.

We searched frantically among the other rows of parking lots while constantly pressing the lock/unlock button on the car keys, listening closely for a whisper of the clicking sound of the alarm, scanning thoroughly for a hint of the white Proton Satria. But I did not expect to find it at all because I was so positive that it was in the second row. I knew that looking anywhere else was a waste of time. But we were ran out of options.

After 20 minutes, we finally accepted the fact that it was missing, probably stolen. We were helpless. He needed the car to go to college tomorrow. I was thinking about lodging a report to the police. My brother got himself ready for a scolding and phoned our mother to infrom her of the bad news.





We learnt a very valuable lesson that day :

If you can't find your car, maybe you were looking for in in the wrong place.


My mother's first reaction when my brother told her the bad news was : "Did you check P2?"

We were very relieved when we went one floor down from P1 and found our car in P2. It was exactly where we knew it was : The second row from the right, 10 metres away.

Pang : The Psychologist

Pang mentioned that his ambition is to be a psychologist!

Of course, we were against it right away.

I doubted his ability to discipline himself to study that much. Shaun, Tanzy and Matthew agreed that Pang will only worsen the already terrible mental state his patient is in.

"You will tell the fella to go and die lah." Shaun said.

"Ya, then you dont need any medicine at all. Cause the prescription for every patient is the same - 'Kill Yourself' "

Pang liked the idea. "Yala then I can tell all my patients to kill themselves and charge them consultation fee some more!"

"I'll tell all my patients that they are stupid and miserable. It's reverse psychology ma."


This is what his business card will look like if this sadist manifests.















We can only hope that he may not succeed or chooses a different career path. But that is uncertain.

What I'm certain, for now, is that no one will ever dare to visit Pang in the future after reading this

The La La Salesman

My father told us :

When we went to the furniture shop just now, there was this salesman who made me feel like not buying our furniture from there. When we went in, he introduced himself, he said, "I am Mr. Liew" (Wah, action!)

Later, when i found a nice sofa and asked him, "Can you give me some discount for this?"

He say, "This one already got 20% discount"

Then i said, "Can you give me more discount?"
























He told me, "Nevermind. You tell me your budget lah. I'll find another sofa for you."

Funny Emoticon Combos - Brought to life

Here's a list of emoticons we are using to make our combos :






Look what they have made it into :

(Not sure who, could've been Ian, Ken Chang or Lester or someone else.)








And look what Tanzy (his is the 1st one) and I did :











Here's a candid shot we had when Shaun called Wei Kwang and he turned around only to see the camera pointed at him :















But nothing beats Lester's and Tun Hong's creativity.

Ahaha! Got aura somemore!

Plus, they even took the time to write down our blog url!

Originally there were only "auras"(reflections) below his hand. But thanks to Photoshop magic and a bit of patience . . .

Sadarji : "Racist? Serve Him Right!"

2 Sadarjis were having their holidays in Malaysia. B went into a souvenir shop and came out right away. So A was confused.



A : Why did you walk out of the shop right after you went in?


B : That shopkeeper is a racist! Right after I stepped into his shop, he had to close it. I better buy my souvenirs from the other shop over there insted of from this racist.


A : Are you sure he closed right after you entered?


B : Yes! I remember. When I went in the shop there's a sign hanging on the door that says 'Open'. After I went in for 3 seconds and turned around, I saw the 'Closed' sign instead. WTH, he change the sign so fast, I didn't even notice.


A : You did the right thing. Serve him right for being a racist!

IQ Question! Test Your IQ Here Right Now!

I came up with an IQ question all by myself! Here it is :

"Find the suitable word that comes next in the series."

For Example,

1. Big
2. Bigger
3. ???

The superlative of big is biggest. It's easy. Just add a "-est" behind the word.

The real question will be more challenging.







Here's the real question :




"Find the suitable word that comes next in the series."

1. Pin
2. Pinner
3. ???

What's comes next?


(Remember to say it out aloud to make it easier to obtain an accurate answer!)


You thinking what i'm thinking? *wink* *wink*







PS : It came to my mind when the physics teacher repeated "Thinnest copper wire" a few times, stressing on the word "Thinnest" , "Thinnest", "Thinnest". =D

Shuffler vs Breakdancer : The Series

11/7

Look what i've found on Youtube! AHAHA another angle and a high quality version of The Comedy!

21/6 :

Part 3 : The Parody is ready!!!


18/6 :

Shufflers and breakdancers from Class 5 Kensett displaying their talent on Teachers' Day.

This took about 10-11 hours altogether. ';.;' Seriously. Cause i don't know anything.

When i told Shaun about this, Shaun said : "Good! You're dedicated to Der Book." =.=

PS : Part 2 is waaay better






Shuffler vs Breakdancer : Part 1/2






Shuffler vs Breakdancer Part 2/2





Shuffler vs Breakdancer Part 3 : The Parody




Isn't it supposed to be Part 3/2, you may think. But it doesn't exist. Unles you failed your maths like Ryan did, last time. =D.


Another angle + High quality version of The Comedy!




Please give me some comments / ratings on Youtube!

Btw, there's a comment on Part 2 :

duccyz :

This is terrible man wtf is with the breaker =="
u do relise that u cant battle with 2 different styles=="

buh the first shuffler from part one was FUNNY MAN its so bad i feel sorry for him

My First Time in a Lighting Shop : Maruzen

Wow.

I've just been to a lighting shop for the first time in my life and what I will be seeing later was totally unexpected and out of this world.





Wah . . so many types of lamps. But those are not all. there's also the :

"Casper Lamp"



"Candle-Lamp"



Duno what lamp is this ._.



This one looks more like a toilet bowl~






They even have lamps that belong in a castle

That's not all. They also sell many Chinese stuff , like :

Guy with the calmest expression ever

How you doin' ? - Joey Tribiani

Even got Matthew Ooi!



Also got Emo Shaun!

However, there's one particular lamp I've spotted that is above the rest - A toilet lamp.


It's so good that I will not hesitate to buy it for any hot chick to put in her toilet.

You know, to admire the lamp while having a relaxing bath or shower.


The strange thing is that looks so normal, unexpensive, simple, unelegant mosy importantly, forgettable for a lamp which is to be given to a hot chick.


Why in the world would I want such a lamp? You will know why after I've shown it to you :





Without further ado, here is The Lamp :D

Can you see it?

Can you see the best toilet lamp ever?

No? I'll give you another angle.

How about now?

Spotted THE BEST toilet lamp ever?














Let me point it out to you then.








.








.









.

:D :P =D =P XD XP

Ahahaha!

A Video I Found In My Teacher's Thumbdrive : Funny Babies and Children !!!

When I opened my teacher's thumbdrive originally given to me to help her do work, look what I've stumbled upon :



The ending is the best!!!







Thank Pn Chong SL for the vid she "gave" me. AHAHAHAHA!

authors + joyees SUBWAY ONE-FOOTER + double meat DAY !

We had been planning it for a whole week and last Saturday after MBSSKL's Family Day .... Finally , we got to get a go at THE DREAM SUBWAY SANDWICH which is ONE-FOOT or 12 inches in length and also DOUBLE THE MEAT !



Well , Lester and Tanzy each got a ONE-FOOT plus DOUBLE MEAT B.M.T sandwich , I got a ONE-FOOT plus DOUBLE MEAT Terriyaki sandwich , Jie Xian and Wei Kwang shared a ONE-FOOT plus DOUBLE MEAT I forgot what sandwich , meld i think and Leo Wen Pul only ate a 6-incher and has regretted and wanting to try the ONE-FOOTER ever since.





Here's 3 out of 4 of the ONE-FOOTER's...





Here's Tanzy's sandwich....






My sandwich.....

All 4 ONE-FOOTER's...

Another....

Lester , getting high while taking the first bite into his first portion of teh ONE-FOOTER...

Jie Xian and Leo tucking in...

Wei Kwang getting all ' Godzilla'ed ' eating his first ever Subway sandwich.....

Tanzy starting his quest to finish the FOOT-LONG....

Me starting mine.....

Only mine wasn't cut into half cause i requested , so here's the whole in my hand...

Jie Xian tends to be quite fussy about what he wants in food , so thus , probably SUBWAY's MOST PECULIAR LOOKING SANDWICH EVER was born because he was so fussy about what he wanted , no veggies and like x8 olives....

Does this look appetising ?....

Then Jie Xian took out a stash of OTAK-OTAK that he bought from the family day as he had too much coupon courtesy of his mom wanting to donate a hundred bucks to the school(he sold 20bucks of coupons to Wei Kwang for ten and ended up having to think of ways to finish 80bucks in a couple of hours) , so there , his stash of 60 otak-otaks which he was kind enough to share a couple with us but then kept the rest for his family.....

BTW , he put ALL THOSE OTAK's in his bag and when he opened his bag , the smell of otak-otak's literally filled the whole SUBWAY joint and the sheet of paper in his bag was all wet from the steam from the otak's...

O YES , we did leave a hurricane of a mess behind...




In the end , Lester finished his Sandwich in GODLIKE speed and didn't look too full at all and I finished mine like 10 minutes later while Tanzy ate only a little more than half of it and couldnt continue so he finished it later in the cinema while watching Hancock ...

So there you are , the ONE-FOOTER adventure , if you are interested in going on a ONE-FOOTER challege / adventure yourselves , please do invite us too :D especially Leo who was talking about wanting it today for the whole day.

"Honest"

The teacher was testing her students on the word "honest".


Teacher : "If I say Ah Seng is honest, what does that mean?"


Everyone knows that Ah Seng lies all the time. They were all laughing. But someone came up with a reply :



















"Teacher, it means that you're not."

The Krew Kut Klan (KKK*)

yes, its KKK* with the silent asterisk so that it is not to be confused with another klan.




DISCLAIMER


BY READING ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE VERFYING THAT YOU ARE NOT AFFILIATED WITH:



1)The Ku Klux Klan

2)The Botak Gang/Geng

3)The Crew Cut Clan

4)Anyone who uses a "c" when it is actually a 'k' sound (in the beginning of a word)

There's loads of benefits being a klansman :

Fire and foremost, you will have the ability to have a karpet-like surface so that you kan massage your hand anytime, anywhere.

But the big difference is that you kan aktually what a karpet is going through when it's being rubbed. For you, the kombination of hand & head goodness kan only be deskribed as orgasmic*.

*There are videos proving just that. That is soon to come.

And if you only fokus on the top portion of your head, you'll look exaktly like them other stars.

Eg. : Will Smith, Akon, Justin Timberlake, etc.



I'll prove it.



Here's a few pics. I bet you kan't pick out which of these is a pic of me.

Is it This?

This?

Or this?














Quick! Pick one before you proceed further.





Scroll down for the originals







.






.








.











.












.












.

Ahahahaha. Konned. XD










Its really easy to identify a klansmen :


He responds to the call "botak" and certain species, like the lestus siewpien have been sighted to have a tendency to rub its head when laughing.


After many weeks, many unexpected people have joined us by shaving their heads. A definite proof of peer pressure in action.



Without further ado, here's a group photo of some of us! :D

From left to right, top row : JS, Shaun, Tun Hong, Tanzy, Lee Meng, Anson, unknown ugly hand
Bending over : Wei Han, Wei Kwang

This post was taken and edited SetapakKopi.blogspot.kom. Here's the link to the original post.

..... And we leave you with a Hidden Mickey =D

From left to right : Wei Han, Tun Hong, Lester

Klick here to see an enlarged image!

Try to spot the Hidden Chee Fong!

Conversation in der Canteen

Jie Xian

Les, u remember that Wei Han said, "Friendship is the best ship in the world"?

This time, Ian said just now, "Hardship is the hardest ship is the world"



Les and I laughed. Ian overheard us.



Ian

Hah Ha. This joke is so funny I'm sure it's going to be in Der Book Of Joy.


At that time, I told him, "No, no . . . " But I just couldn't resist it.

Because he was too funny XD

Important Announcement !!!

You Need To Say The Password The Next Time You Read Der Book.

So now I'm telling all of you the password. You have to say it into your mic when the voice recognition software is ready.

This is the password. Practice it. Recite it, until you can do it really really quickly.

I N V J S

AHAHAHA I know you do! XD

Wei Han refused to say it out. When Foo said it out, he said irritatedly : "Why you envy him?"

ps : i'm JS = Jie Xian

Tyo Wei Keat Has Factory Potential Too!

I was walking nearby when two people who were shorter than me (shorties), made some comments.


Tyo Wei Keat (and Johnny) :

"Jei Shian, 你的头发很好笑."

"Jei Shian, your hair very funny."



Me :


[Looks at their hair (2 cm long at its longest) and laughs, but decides to enJOY the joke by not answering back]


Tyo Wei Keat (and Johnny) :

其实你很帅的. 但是长到太高了.

Actually you're handsome, but you are too tall.



Me :

[Surprised that this came from them and chose took it as a compliment and laughs together]



Tyo Wei Keat (and Johnny) :

太高不好, 太高不好. [shakes thier head]

你的女朋友需要爬楼梯去kiss你.


Too tall no good, too tall no good. [shakes thier head]

Your girlfriend need to climb up stairs to kiss you.



I used "(and Johnny) " because it looked to me like Wei Keat was doing all the talking and Johnny was just adding on.



Shaun and the rest, but especially Shaun, i know you will have a lot to say about me.

eg : NANSENSE!/ They blind la.

Let me have my moment of Joy la please.

Fun with Forming Nouns (from derbook)

Today . . . . . EST Period ! We were given work on none other than FORMING NOUNS !


So here's some examples from the papers we were given and also common ones :

apply - application
describe - description
wise - wisdom
king - kingdom
neighbour - neighbourhood
joy - joyfulness
curd - curdish








Here are the SPECIAL nouns formed by our very special joyees ( Jie Xian , Lee Meng , Wei Kwang , Wei Han ) !

con - condom
depart - department
health - healthility
robin - robinhood
teeth - tits
rub - rubbish




No worries , it was just jokes/mistakes , they all scored A's for thier English Tests :D




o yes ! I also noticed somebody else spelling FOREHEAD as FALLHEAD

Rootbeer (from derbook)

Wei Han said this

" Why you so rude ? You drink Rootbeer ? "







Which inspired Jie Xian to say this


" Why do the trees look drunk ? Cause they absorbed rootbeer ! "

Jersey discounts

At extra class just now , Lee Meng was collecting money for our class jersey orders and it cost rm 37 for the jersey and i tried to be funny and said " my budget is rm 35 , if i buy sleeveless will it be cheaper ? "

And that sparked the lameness in Jie Xian's mind and he replied instantly " Buy shirtless cheaper ! "

Wei Kwang stared at him for like 12 full seconds..

Sorry people, especially Lee Meng who asked

In class, Lee Meng asked, "Why didn't update your blog yesterday?"

Ah i felt bad. I thought our trusted co-author, Tanzy will update it. But NO! That lazy fella.

Jie Xian : Tanzy, you didnt update ah?

Tanzy : I thought Shaun will update.

Shaun : My internet dam slow la yesterday.

You see? Really full of it (look up Shaun) la this guy. I was correct!

Those 2 people really getting lazy! Testing my patience. Later i keep the profits for myself.

Yes, the RM0.50.

But, dont blame ME for not updating the blog. I was busy studying for the exams and practising for Chong's performance~




Just kidding Shaun and Tanzy :P But i tell you, those 2 lazy fellas really . .



No la no la, just kidding la. :) =) :D =D XP XD

But seriously ah ';.;' . . . Aih!


To make up for it, i've violated the 3 post-per-day rule set by the so-called "Board of Directors" (quote from Shaun) :D