The Funniest Moral Class So Far

This is a big case of unintentional (intentional) insults

The teacher come it 15 minutes late. This was very unlike her. She was never late nor did she ever missed a class.



Teacher :


Maaf, hari ini cikgu masuk lewat kerana terpaksa menghadiri ceramah.

Sorry, today I am late for class because I had to attend a lecture.



Tanzy [answered back like a true hooligan]:


Cikgu diampunkan.

You are forgiven.



Later she scolded the class for doing badly in the mid term exams.



Teacher :


Kamu ini bukan binatang, kamu boleh faham bahasa, binatang tak boleh.
Kamu ada makan kayu tak?

You all are not animals. You all can understand language(English). Animals can't.
Do YOU eat wood?



(Was she implying that animals eat wood?)



Later, she continued :

I always tell myself. You, 5 K (5K class), are not retarded. Macam Foong . . . . . . pun

I always tell myself. You, 5 K (5K class), are not retarded. Even Foong . . . . . . isn't.



Finally, she 'apologised' to us :

Saya tadi bukan marah, bagi contoh sahaja.

I wasn't scolding just now, only giving examples.

Lee Meng : The 1.2 Million House

(This happened a long time ago so i've forgotten most of the details. But the main priceless detail remains fresh in my mind.)


We were walking with Ah Meng up a hill, towards his residential area.



Ah Meng pointed to a house and started commenting :


"I tell you ah this house is VERY BIG. In a gated commuity some more. Got nice view. You guess selling for how much?

It is worth 1.2 million you know? (Thats 6 zeros man) So expensive!



So I told him :

Why don't you buy it and stay there if it's so good?



Ah Meng :

"It is not for sale now.

But sometimes they throw rubbish into the empty land behind the house."




I admit. I was impressed. But I wondered how he knew about the rubbish.














5 minutes later Ah Meng into that VERY SAME house he was talking about. It's his.

I thought again about throwing rubbish into the empty land . . .

Physics

Q 5(b) Does the object continue to move after i comes to rest ? If yes, how high will it go up the slope before it comes to rest.


A : No. There is an elephant in the way.


HAhah
the student got frustrated after answering halfway and comes up with a brilliant idea.
I give him full marks if I'm his teacher. Elephant is cute too.

Ask Dogbert - Part 1

Ask Dogbert
============

Dogbert answers your tough questions with tough love.

============

Dear Dogbert,

Who should I vote for in the presidential election?

Dwayne


Dear Drain,

Your vote only helps if you are smarter than the average voter. In other words, the country will be okay if you sit this one out.

Sincerely,


Dogbert

============

Dear Dogbert,

How can I quickly lose 20 pounds of ugly fat?

Craig


Dear Crud,

Try cutting off your head. Yes, I know it’s an old joke. But that doesn’t make it bad advice.


Sincerely,


Dogbert

============

Dear Dogbert,

How can I make money off of this whole global warming thing?

Albert


Dear Allbutt,

Try buying life insurance and standing neck-deep in the ocean.

Sincerely,


Dogbert

============

Dear Dogbert,

There's a girl I like that probably doesn't like me. There's another girl that likes me a lot, but I only like her a little. Assuming they are both relatively attractive, which should I go for?

Tim


Dear Tomb,

The one who likes you obviously has some perception problems. That sort of thing doesn't get better. Go for the one who probably doesn't like you and hope you get lucky and hit a window where she wants to get revenge on her ex.

Sincerely,


Dogbert

Custard ?

Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the Queen of England.


One of the dignitaries present requests the Queen, "Pass the Wine you Divine !".


Sardarji thought - "How poetic and intelligent!".

Sardarji doesn't want to be left out, so, he also wants to say a rhyming sentence.

After thinking awhile,
he asks the British ambassador sitting next to him,


"Pass the custard you bastard".

Black sheep...

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

Ungliest Woman

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. God says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Poof ! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen. The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Poof ! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?" He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them."


She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

The Dilbert Newsletter 68.0 - Part 1

TRUE TALES OF INDUHVIDUALS
===========================

Here are some true tales of people who put the duh in induhvidual.



"Locally we have a grocery chain called Bi-Lo. We were sitting around the office one day talking about living on farms and drinking milk from the cows.

One girl said she wouldn't drink milk from a cow, only milk from Bi-Lo. The stunned silence was deafening."



"My business partner and his wife were traveling out west and decided to visit Hoover Dam.
As they neared this great engineering feat she noticed all the power lines extending from the dam and commented to him, 'Gee, I never would have guessed it takes so much power to run a dam."

Chee Foong : Joker - Part 2

Johnny : Weh! Joker from Batman die already you know!


Chee Foong : How you knew he died? HE TELL YOU AH?

Foo - Joker (Batman)

Today in physics class , Wei han asked " How did the actor for The Joker of the new batman movie die (heath ledger) ?




Foo , not knowing how said " He act as Joker create too much jokes laugh die "

Sadarji : "Racist? Serve Him Right!"

2 Sadarjis were having their holidays in Malaysia. B went into a souvenir shop and came out right away. So A was confused.



A : Why did you walk out of the shop right after you went in?


B : That shopkeeper is a racist! Right after I stepped into his shop, he had to close it. I better buy my souvenirs from the other shop over there insted of from this racist.


A : Are you sure he closed right after you entered?


B : Yes! I remember. When I went in the shop there's a sign hanging on the door that says 'Open'. After I went in for 3 seconds and turned around, I saw the 'Closed' sign instead. WTH, he change the sign so fast, I didn't even notice.


A : You did the right thing. Serve him right for being a racist!

Criminals

<_kr4m3r> : So many f**ucking criminals, its bullshit



foniks`> : heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die

foniks`> : and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"

foniks`> : what'd u think they'd say?
















foszor[bg]> : something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"