Chang Jun Hon : Can you teach me?

Back when we were in form 4, we were talking about weight.


Chang Jun Hon : I'm underweight la . . . what to do?

Jie Xian : Try eating more la!

Chang Jun Hon : I eat a lot already, but still like that . . . :(


Anthony Khoo walks in.


Chang J.H. : Anthony, can teach me how to become fat like you ah? :D

And Chang shows his stupid innocent smiley face. --> ^_^?

Anthony didn't look too happy, unlike the others who were laughing their hearts out, while innocent Chang was laughing at the realisation of what had he just done.

Special Bread

After JS's special semen recipe's.... Spotted this in a 7-11

Semen in Food

Prepare for something humorously disgusting.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients--you will love this cook book!

http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212


You've got to click the link and read the comments. Among them are :

Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Made with love "

LOL The recipe said to beat the eggs.

When i first saw the cover of this book, I could not believe my eyes! Never before had i thought to combine my two favorite pastimes, (cooking & cumming)i entered my boston cream pie in the state fair pie contest. to no surprise to me, i won! The $100 grand prize wasn't much, but the satisfied looks on the faces on my customers made my day



Fotie,

I was wondering if you know of any difference between a white and a black male's semen??


After buying this book, I decided that I need way more semen than I could possibly produce myself, so I purchased some from Prairie State Semen. It's from one of their award-winning Chester pigs. His name is "Vendetta" - here's a picture of him: http://shrunklink.com/bifc (you can see why I chose him).

Anyway, they sent me enough of his semen to create a couple of the recipes in this book. I made Lime Aoili and poured it over my pork chops (it's only fitting after all). It was edible, but not as good as I had hoped. However, the Tiramisu Surprise I had for dessert was absolutely divine! So rich and creamy.

It's kind of expensive to buy sperm from a farm like this, so I'm going to look around for alternate sources. In the meantime, I've got my little tupperware container in the freezer and it's filling up. Slowly, but surely.

I highly recommend this book. The pictures are beautiful and the recipes are easy to follow.

Bush was greeted in Iraq - with a shoe!

(Found another similar video. The previous one was removed)



You MUST watch til the and and just look at his reaction lolol

"I don't know what his beef is" -Bush



If you've played God of War or Resident Evil 4 before,



Or WoW,

Signature !

Thanks Eric.L

1st vid - audition
2nd vid - Finals
3rd vid - Semi-final ( Best )

Obama song by Obama'sians & Obama Mccain Dance-off

The Wonderful World of Music

The head guitar instructor was talking to his apprentice guitar instructor.

Head instructor : Eh, on the 23rd of November got an acoustic guitar camp you know.

Apprentice guitar instructor : Where is it?

Head instructor : In Melaka.

Apprentice guitar instructor : Hah? From KL go to Melaka so far!

Head instructor : Nevermind, it's going to be very good, even Roger Wong will be there. You can never get anything so cheap like this anymore, because this camp is for charity.

Apprentice guitar instructor : But I'll need to drive for 2 hours!

Head instructor : Nevermind, bring your girlfriend lah! You all can have fun there!

Apprentice guitar instructor : [Smiling] Hah?

The Experienced guitar teacher who was listening to their conversation could not hold it in anymore.

He blurted out excitedly : "Ya! Overnight! OVERNIGHT!!!"

Britain's Got Pervert - A little X-rated :) not visualy though

Thriller Indian Version

Thanks Leo

Shaun : The Head Turner

One day Shaun came across by accident, a picture with a caption below it that went "Head turner, always smiling and cheerful [something something] "

(My point is that head turner is among the descriptions, not sure about anything else)


So Shaun burst out in indignation : "WAH! Call herself/himself a head turner . . ."


"Yala yala head turner . . . people see him/her already all turn their heads away! [mutters under his breath] head turner . . ."

Didnt think you'll see a bigger fireworks display + laser effect than the Beijing Olympics ?

Ladies & Gentlemen ... The Grand Opening/Rising of Atlantis Dubai ! (covered by CNN + SKY)






More footage on the opening in the Hotel and laser works by SKY NEWS at..

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/video/dubai-atlantis-palm-hotel-fireworks-kylie-minogue/Video/200811315156910?lpos=video_News_in_Video_Media_Region_0&lid=VIDEO_15156910_dubai_atlantis_palm_hotel_fireworks_kylie_minogue

Shaun : Word.

The speaker was giving a speech on our graduation day.

"The most important thing in life is in one word. One word only - "Gratitude"


After Shaun heard it, he laughs and says :








"That's three words!"

A video a day keeps your Sorrows away !

Jap Boy trying hard to speak English



For those of you who understand Hokkien

Learn To Use A Treadmill Before Getting On !

Funny News : Thieves vs Granny

theSun (16th October 2008)

Funniest WoW & DotA Videos

You will only understand it if you have played that game.

Dota video : This is a commentary clip from the Blueserver DotA League, which was posted on the old Blueserver forums.




This is for those who have played WoW and raided before.

*WARNING : LOTS OF SWEARING*

OnyxiaWipe

If you do not know what is Onyxia or DKP, read this first. It sort of the "Illidan of Level 60" (Back before WoW:TBC), and the "Whelp groups" are the trash mobs that come when you are engaging the boss.

DKP is a point system for raiding. You gain DKP by participating in raids and you use the points to bid for the loot/item you want. So, if you don't have enough DKP, you won't get any loot.



The Followup to OnyxiaWipe



It seems that it is a top guild, that's why that guy is so demanding.

Worst Best Man Ever

..Was on Yahoo's Headlines..

Mock News interviewing real Amelicans !

They seem to like choosing Australia....

hahahaha....enJOY ! :D

Characters

Updates:

23/6 : Pictures/GIFs for 9 people
24/6 : Pics for Chong and Wei Han
26/6 : Updated for Wei Han and Lee Meng
27/6 : Lee Meng's GIF by Tanzy.
28/8 : Pang's Picture added
19/10 : Kum's Picture added

Since quite a few people have been requesting for me to post some pictures, I have decided to finally do it now.



However, i only got hold of a few of the Characters' pictures :



(Many of them are 4 years old, except for the "mystery" one. That's newly taken. I will slowly update them when i get more.)

• Shaun
• Tanzy
• Teow Wei Kwang
• Foo Tun Hong
• Foong Jing Xian
• Foo Tun Kai
• Leo Wen Pul
• Matthew Ooi (fat one)
• Mystery Guy (at the bottom on the page)
• Wei Han
• Afiq
  

Lee Meng (he called me Tan Jei Lame, i call him Lame Meng)

My Man. Shaun once said that he's my arch rival. When you and someone were to flame each other on a daily basis, usually starting with "Aiyo LEE MENG" or "Lame la you JS" its no wonder why people say that. But deep down in my heart i know and i admit that i love

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

his lame jokes.


Also, he is called Ulu Meng by Wei Han.



(Ulu is a Malay slang which means a backward/lagging area or in the countryside, i think. This means that Wei Han is saying that Lee Meng is like a kid from the jungle.)


*Wei Han stays no more than 100 metres away from Lee Meng. They live in the same residential area.

Dunno about you, but he looks like and excited squirrel.
In this pic

Shaun Low Jin Yang

He's one of the co-authors. In his own words, calls his childishness his "charm". Now he says that his excuse for being lame is that it is his "charm". He's always full of it (excuses, not charm). The idea of the joyous title come from him.

LOW low LOW low LOW low LOW low LOW low



Okay, it was only supposed to be 8 'low's but there's 5 sizes of words~
(Largest, Large, Normal, Small and Smallest)

Shaun : "See? So hot."

Ken Low Jin Wu

Shaun's younger bro. A DotA noob. He once told he that he should have a blog too and likes this blog. As a thank you, I told him to go make thebookletofjoy. I understand how he is treated as a younger bro. I have an elder bro too.



Low Jin Jer

Aka Ginger. Blood Brothers too? Why not? 5 bros and sisters in da house and 5 dogs ( i think)




Tanzy

The other co-author. The sadist. He has the amazing ability make the whole class of people who range from respected prefects to serious stern prefects to laugh their asses of, usually by making remarks so hurting yet honest about someone it lowers their self esteem to that of a homeless beggar. That's why its funny.

Shaun : "Like Dragon Ball"

JS/Jie Xian

The remaining co-author who is the pioneer for being called lame. Pity him. Lee Meng thinks he started the era of lameness that has swept 5K and has, like every other epidemic, spread uncontrollably. JS laughs at the irony. He reads and speaks a little mandarin but sucks at Cantonese. And he calls himself a KL boy. Shame on him.




Wei Han

Lee Meng's neighbour who is notorious for having a "universal-sized" hand. i.e. its one size that fits all "cups" if u know what he means. (Yes it is his own words)


He live in the same residential area as Lee Meng, whom he labels as Ulu Meng (Refer to : Lee Meng).


When I ask him about it, he said in his defence : "Only his area ulu, my one okay."

Teow Wei Kwang

A guy who has the ability to embrace lameness, produce lameness and laugh at lameness. To bad he doesn't even come close to Lee Meng's producing skills, until recently. He has an ability to woo the girl with a guitar too.

Shaun : "Praying mantis"

Foo Tun Hong

The nice chubby guy who is really quite good at dancing. i envy him. i envy all the possibilities to create profanities with his first, middle and last name, as pointed out by Shaun.
i.e. Fookimak, Tun niama and Hong ka chan.

Foo Tun Hong (right) suddenly gets so close to Foong Jing Xian (left).
Of course he has hidden intentions~

Foo Tun Kai

Tun Hong's blood brother. He looks like him and talks like him. But there is a more solid and undeniable evidence :
i.e. Kaininia

Tun Hong, Tun Kai; Same thing la!

Leo Wen Pul

His real name was supposed to be Leong. But his great-grandad from China wasn't a great speller. So he gets a unique surname which sounds cool as a result of his great-grandad's error.
He said, "Wey JS, make my one longer pls." We all know his 1 is short and he probably said "make my desciption longer" but i cant help but giving hime the Foo's treatment --Profanities.
i.e. Pulkimak.



I have to thank him for something though, (from the Box Of Joy) :


LeoAkaLion: Shaun thats why i looking at u la. i try to make u to notice -wat he written on the board that time- (if only i can erase the back part)

Err. . .i mean this.
LeoAkaLion: i went to all my mom's branch and set all those computer homepage to bookofjoy. thanks me xD

Thanks you Leo!

Leo(ng) still looks the same now.

Matthew Ooi (fat one)

Another contributor. A "heavy" contributor at that. Pun intended :D He's so soft that he can be our very own mobile pillow.

^_^V

Pang Yoke Fei

aka Pang Sai. This guy doesnt get angry easily, hope he doesnt aftter reading this. sorry pang.

Pang is the one the left. Matthew ( fat one) is the one on the right, looking like a hamster or a tupai/squirrel.

Wow its such a conincidence that i happened to introduce Pang right below Matt.





Here's a new picture of Pang :

Please remind me who drew this. I think it's Chong, but i'm not sure.


Low Zi Heng

Aka Lowzy. When asked by Wei Kwang's mum on the reason behind why is his name "lousy", he replied, " I like it cause it's unique"




Chong

Some of you may know him by the name of Afiq bin Latif. He's a drummer for a local band that i support : Aural Joint. So he's a temporary drummer who was called a hot-drummer by a blogger. Big deal. He's a fan of Hock Seng's blog too. In his own words " Hock Seng your blog very nice!".
To whoever who wants to know ths History of Chong, click here, not there.

Kelvin Kum Mun Wye

For more than 6 months, i could've swore i saw his name tag that says his name is spelled as such. Then i found out that its actually Kum Wen Wei, after calling him Mun Wye more than 6 months -.-

Then again, i dont really see his name tag often. Thats probably cause its below my eye level. Waatuduuu... he's so short. And lala. He has lala written all over him and his friendster. But luckily he has a big non-lala heart. That makes him my favourite lala. Just love my fav quote of his.

Actually, this is a picture of Chai Choon Kit.
But after he photoshopped it (to make the smile), it sure lookes like Kum.

Hock Seng

A blogger who uses English so bombastic, you'd have to have a dictionary in front of you. Once you got past that, it doesn't get any easier understanding. Maybe its just my fault. i dont know. But i know one thing, i trust him. Seriously.



Now for the 5A'ers



Woo Xian Lum

Yes its a real name. a surname. He's known to the 5A'ers as Woo Xian Lame, for a good reason.


He said this in the Cbox:

Cold_Speaker: I am Roxen, came from parkson, never talk nonsense..And may I join this parkson?

Other quotes




Lester

We call him Les. Love his name too. Someone once pointed out that he will be "pervertized" (credits to Siah Say Yeong) if u add a "Mo-" in front of his "Lester". Its no wonder why he looks like one. Definitely interested in the culinary arts. Really aim high when it comes to that. Too often he mentions cooking at 3 am after bathing at 12.30am. But it's not any ordinary Maggie mee that he's cooking, no. He just takes some mussels from the fridge and does whatever he wants with it.

When asked doesn't his mom have something to say he just says "It's gonna be eating later anyway so why not end its suffering?" Yes hes talking about the mussel in the fridge.

However, his culinary skills were put to the test and i think the results were obvious. We all know now how very much (little) knowledge he posseses about the subject.

Click the link below for the proof.

Lester : The Chief Chef of Hilton (revised and recoloured to make reading possible -.-)




Ian

The guy who said "But someone has to be lamer." when i argues that lameness is in everyone's blood. Of course he's lame too. He's part of the cast. Love his 1 fantastic quote but i wont put it here for his sake. "Aghk!"



Ryan

Somehow similar to Tanzy in certain ways, except that he is a whiz at maths, in the sense that the add maths teacher couldn't possibly deduct more than 10 marks from his add maths paper. That's because you cant deduct marks from a blank answer script. You simple dont give any. "Aghk!"




Ken Chang

The guy who pioneered the sarcastic 'haha' whenever he detects lameness. Too bad i seldom have the chance to 'haha' him back. Shaun's sisters called him cute once. Too bad he misunderstood it. "Aghk!"




Anson Chee

Repeat as fast as u can for 10 times : "Anson Chee, bye bye!"
S
ome call him the short one. Especially Ian. I remember it clearly. Ian was all laughing at Anson but when i looked closely, Ian isnt much taller than him. In fact, they are almost equally tall and beautiful. Waaatuduuu... its Ian.

After listening to my first live Bleach OST, Im grateful to not have a name like dAnson. I mean Anson.

Since i left out Anson at the start, I give him record length character description. Nah!. "Aghk!"



(All the characters are not listed in order of importance they are listed alphabetically)


*"Aghk!" is pronounced as a cross between the sound of a crow and a duck's quack.



Here's an extra bonus pic i happend to stumble upon one fine day. His identity is a mystery that has baffled all of us for aeons.

> <
O

Korean Comic : Dreams

Click it to view it.

(The picture is made to be blur on purpose to avoid spoiling.)

Jokes from the elderly :)

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.

'Why Wal-Mart?'

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.






Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby..'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's> perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty', he replied..

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%..

He went back in a month and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Lastly....a reminder...You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing....so visit us more and read some old post if it helps ! :D

Jie Xian : My Near Death Experience (Continued)

No matter how ridiculous this sounds. I swear that this is really what i have experienced. I'm going to tell you another story.

I'll skip to where it all happened.


I was in a car, together with my family. Suddenly, I heard some loud noises and screams. We were near a bank. I saw a group of men outside the bank who looked like the supposed robbers, brandishing their guns to warn everyone.

My first reaction was to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! But no, my father had to slow down and watch the drama unfold.

They were paving the way for their getaway. I couldn't help but to notice one of them who stood out. I assumed that he was the leader as he looked big even among the others, and he dressed differently. I think I saw a fur coat on him. I couldn't believe my eyes although I had it glued on him while he was getting into the getaway car.

I had a cocktail of emotions blending inside while I was watching him. I was so afraid of being a victim, yet awed by the "leader"'s material wealth, but most of all, relieved that we may be safe very very soon, as soon as they went away.

I blamed my father and myself. Him, for doing what I knew so well was suicidal, and me for doing something so stupid.

Just as he opened the car door, he turned around and the first thing he saw was my two black eyes looking straight back at him. Without having to think or decide, he raised his gun and shot straight at me while I watched his every action helplessly.

I hoped for the best but I knew my time was up. The next thing I knew, there was an unbearable pain in my ear. It was like someone pinched my ear, stapled it and hammered it together. That, crushed my only hope. The hope to be so relieved to find out that it was only a dream.

======

Surprisingly, I was still conscious. Not that I can move my body, but my mind still, is working. I knew my body was dead and I knew why. I hypothesized that it was because I saw his face that he had to get rid of me.

My vision turns into a bright, white light and I felt lighter, as if I was floating. I was calm and at peace, felling absolutely no pain. I had heard stories about other near death experiences that was similar. They too saw white light but also some long wire before that, which I didn't see. I didn't really believe their story, nor did I even expect it to happen to me. But there I was. I did what I had learnt, to let go of, who I loved, who I know. what I had and what I want to have, to ultimately, accept my situation, to accept death.

However, this sensation did not last for a long time. The pain in my ear came back. So did my vision. It show me a hospital. I could not believe myself as I walked into the hospital slowly, unassisted by my family. None of this made sense.

After walking towards the hospital for a few minutes, my eyes opened again.

This time, I was staring at the floor of my mother's room. I was lying down sideways, with my heavy head pressing onto my ears which were bent inwards, covering my 'ear hole' (the auditory canal) and outwards, and inwards again.


The mystery of the bullet-shot injury to my ear was solved. My ears had really hurt in real life, because my head was pressing onto it.

=======


I've been in similar situation before, where I hear the ringing of my alarm clock and i just cant turn it off, even after I turned it off or flung it on the floor.

Later, I woke up realising that I'm late for school. The alarm clock has been ringing for 10 minutes.

Shaun : Being Shaun.

During the Malay Language period, the teacher caught Shaun doing some Maths work.

Teacher [irritated, closing his Maths exercise books and putting it under his desk] :

Shaun, kenapa buat kerja Matematik semasa waktu BM? Kalau Matematik kamu dapat A tapi BM fail mana boleh?

Shaun, why are you doing your maths homework during the Malay Language period? If you get a distinction for your Maths but you fail your Malay Language, whats the point?

Shaun :

Cikgu, tapi waktu Matematik saya buat kerja BM!

But I do my Malay Language work during the Maths period!

Teachers : Lame Jokes Time!

The topic of watching pirated DVDs came up in class.

Teacher :

哇,你们还买贩版来看啊?

Wah, you all still buy pirated DVDs to watch ah?

Students :

老师你没有?

Teacher, you don't buy?

Teacher [Shakes her head in disagreement] :

没有!

No!

The teacher starts to smile while we look in disbelief :

我借罢了.

I borrow only.

"我借DVD他们才x不会赚钱吗!"
Later, she made a stand citing that buying the DVDs will result in them making money. 

So, her borrowing is justified.

Ryan The Honest

Shaun was asking Ryan something in class.


Shaun : [Getting ready to laugh] Ryan, how much you got for your Chemistry Paper 2?


Besides scoring high marks for his Bio 3, (which he didn't deserve because the teacher gave him marks because Ryan used bombastic English - and she couldn't understand it) his other subjects were maybe comparable to Shaun.

Not wanting to lose to Shaun, he gave the most honest reply possible that can come from a liar.












"Don't. Ask. And I won't. Lie."

Sadarji : English Language Class

The names have changed but this story is true.


One day, a group of Sadarjis were attending their English Language Class. The teacher asked one of the Sadarjis a question.

"What is the meaning of : to turn over a new leaf?"

He consults his friend to his left and whispers, "Dey, is the meaning : to change our attitudes".

One of his friends whipers back, "Sort of . . ."

He wants more confirmation. So he askes more of his friends. The others agreed with the one on his left friend and tells him, "Yes. Sort of."

Feeling confident now, he proudly tells the teacher, "I know the meaning!"

"So what does 'to turn over a new leaf' mean?" The teacher repeats the question.














"It means : sort of."

IRONY

"You know that a vacuum cleaner is really good when it really suck."





1 day during our History class...

Our teacher was disappionted with our exam results,

before she leaves the class she told Loke

"Study hard for this subject, if you get good result in your SPM you will have a good future"

den Shaun complained

" Stupid......this won't show our future la...."

Me: " But it will show your history."

Hardworking Tun Hong Returns!

We were discussing our Biology Paper 1. Tun Hong pointed to a question.



Tun Hong :

"Wa this one I read before in the LRT. So lucky i just happened to open my book there."



We were amazed by his decication towards his studies for a moment. Then we realised something.

Tanzy : "So what? I also got it correct!"

JS : " Yalah I also got it correct!"


'We got it correct too! So what if he read about it in the train?' I thought in my mind.


This was when Tun Hong's excitement was gone and he started to speak more softly :
















"... But I wrong . . . . ."

Tun Hong : When Bad is Good

During the exam week, I brought my reference books to school.

The front page of my Chemistry book was torn off and I taped it back. Soon after, the front page was torn off again. Now, after taping it back, I'm left with a book with a front page which is is 0.5 cm shorter, with a few pages which may fly off anytime. In one word, it was dilapidated. It is not my fault, books just weren't made to last for more than 1 year.

Luckily, Biology book was a little better. Tun Hong saw my Biology book.


Tun Hong :

[Points at my book] Wah, JS. See your book!

[Waving his finger while pointing it at me] Now I know you really study!

[Shows me his mint-conditioned Biology reference book and caresses the smooth wrapping] See my book!


(In the past, his studies weren't something to be proud of. However, it is very good now.)



Later, during recess, Foo shows me his Chemistry book proudly like a child showing his parents his exam paper when he has scored 100%. It was also in a quite bad and worn.





He nods, and says "JS, Chemistry I got study."

LOLdogz

::thanx to Lester for the pic

Gayish Nerd Hop !

Ever seen 2 gay people hopping like nerd's together ?

Presenting Matthew and Afiq ! ..or should i say Chong and Matthew :D

Leo : The LaLa Smile v^.^v

Finally the video is ready!



Thanks to Lee Meng for his camera and to burn a CD for me like he did with all the other videos. And Leo and Tun Hong, of course! >:D

31 Aug 08, 00:16

Leo: Cant blif that form 1 im so cute. Now form 5 edi still the cutie

v^.^v

Arab Pranks + Japanese Pranks

Credits to Matthew for the discovery of these videos , some of the pranks are "ouch" but otherwise ... Enjoy !





Funny Things People Do in Japan - Free videos are just a click away

Window shopping

one day, KC, les,Ryan and me went to Lowyat Plaza......

Me: wad u all wanna buy ?

Ryan: Nothing

Me: Juz window shopping


den the Ryan's lameness kicks in.....and he says....


Ryan: U wanna buy Windows 95 or 98 ?

den we both laughed

Ryan: u cant say that u're window shopping in Lowyat...ppl will thought u wanna buy Windows.

hahaha


to neutralize de lameness of this post

here's a funny 1



Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.

My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

We went to lunch but not where we’d normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And I just sat there…

On the couch…

Naked.

The Ugly Brother

A : Hey, just look at that ugly guy over there. Oh my god, he is so ugly I regretted looking at him.
Why did you invite him to your birthday party in the first place? You like ugly people?


B : [Getting angry] Watch your words! He is my BROTHER you know?


A : Ya hor! I'm very sorry. I just noticed that he really looks like your brother. You two really look
alike.

Wei Kwang is a noob =P

Wei Kwang sits beside me

1 day, he took my white eraser and wrote something on it

then he show it to me

on my eraser it wrote

TANZY
is a norvice


i laughed and let everyone else look at my eraser to share the joy

den only WK realise that he spelt it wrongly

den like a childish boy he snatched the eraser and cancel the norvice and add the word noob below it.

Home-Fix Blunders

Went to 1U not too long ago and went into Home-Fix where they tend to 'accidently' create humour to keep customers entertained....see for yourself



First , there was the broken english at the counter area...

We ARE not accept any damage note



Then there was the credit card verification notice...



We APOLOGIES for any inconvenience caused...





Ok , maybe not so funny , so here's the FUNNY ones

This one got me confused , seriously confused...

Aluminium Handle for sale

Handle 'not' for sale ?

Then the best was this instruction on how to use sticky tapes...

Note that step 1 initially says: Hand must be greasy , before the staff added a NOT in between

Jie Xian : The Most Shocking Happening The Megamall Parking Lot

This is a true story that really happened to me. It's not a joke but I want to tell you what had happened.

It was just another day in Megamall during the holidays when we went back to our parking lot. We soon realised that it was not just another day at Mid Valley.

A different car was there instead of ours.

The thing is, this time, I was positive we had parked our car there. This time, i made a mental note on where we had parked. It was definitely the second row from the right after exiting the Ticket Payment Area (or whatever it is called, I don't know) and it was in the 'C' area and about a mere 10 metres away from the Ticket Payment Area.

I asked my elder brother, who was the only person with me (he is the one who is driving). He, too was sure about the parking lot.

I didn't know who would want to steal our 10 year old Proton Satria. Maybe it was just for the parking lot? That didn't make sense.

We searched frantically among the other rows of parking lots while constantly pressing the lock/unlock button on the car keys, listening closely for a whisper of the clicking sound of the alarm, scanning thoroughly for a hint of the white Proton Satria. But I did not expect to find it at all because I was so positive that it was in the second row. I knew that looking anywhere else was a waste of time. But we were ran out of options.

After 20 minutes, we finally accepted the fact that it was missing, probably stolen. We were helpless. He needed the car to go to college tomorrow. I was thinking about lodging a report to the police. My brother got himself ready for a scolding and phoned our mother to infrom her of the bad news.





We learnt a very valuable lesson that day :

If you can't find your car, maybe you were looking for in in the wrong place.


My mother's first reaction when my brother told her the bad news was : "Did you check P2?"

We were very relieved when we went one floor down from P1 and found our car in P2. It was exactly where we knew it was : The second row from the right, 10 metres away.

Random joke

Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.

Choi San Yeh

one day, a guy met Choi San Yeh (chinese money god).

So, he quickly approach Choi San Yeh and ask

"10 million years, how long is it to you ?"

Choi San Yeh reply "it's feels only like a second to me"

then, this guy ask again

"10 million ringgit, how much is it to you ?"

Choi San Yeh reply "10 million ringgit is only 1 cent to me"

then the guy say " since it's so small to you, can you spare me ur 1 cent ?"

Choi San Yeh reply " Sure, no problem at all, just wait a second"

Tanzy : Levitation

Want To Get Into The University of Cambridge or Oxford? 要欲上剑桥牛津?

I came across this newspaper article a few years ago and used it for my 剪报, and i've found it back recently. Its really interesting, in my opinion.

Click and enlarge this image to read it

Here's the questions. Click and enlarge this image to read it.

Translation for the 2nd picture :

The following is some of the strange yet very interesting questions :


-This is a tree bark. Please discuss about the tree bark. (The University of Oxford Biology Department)

-Are you cool? (The University of Oxford Philosophy Department)

-Why can't you light a candle on a spaceship? (The University of Oxford Physics Department)

-Can you write out an equation, proving that Maths is a very useful subject? (The University of Oxford Mathematics Department)

-If money cannot make people happy, then why must we promote economic growth? (The University of Cambridge Economics Department)

-If a man crashes into an electrical pole, how will it affect the entire community? (The University of Cambridge Law Department)

-If I hang a paintingon the outside wall of your house, then who owns this painting? (The University of Cambridge Law Department)

-How do you define baldness? (The University of Oxford Psychology Department)

-Why plants don't have brains? (The University of Cambridge Veterinary Department)

-Do you think I look like a camera? (The University of Cambridge Art Department)

-If humans dissapear from Earth, will Jesus return? (The University of Cambridge Theology Department)

-Will good liars make good lawyers? (The University of Cambridge Law Department)

-Tell me something about bananas. (The University of Cambridge Medicine Department)

-When will boring essays be accepted? (The University of Oxford French Language and Russian Language Department)

-Is the moon made of cheese? (The University of Cambridge Department of Veterinary Department)

-In ancient times, how do people know that 2 + 2 = 4? (The University of Oxford Philosophy)

-If fear is something that will hurt us, that why must we be afraid of spiders? (The University of Oxford Department of Classical Literature)

-What is the converstation between Jesus and Buddha when they meet? (The University of Oxford Classical Department of Religion)

Later I'll translate the 1st one.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of beer or wine.. And those who don't..

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria. Very wise man, this Ben guy.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. Coli bacteria) found in faeces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of of human and animal shit.However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, Whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = shit, ...........Beer and wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.






There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service.

Holy Shat ! 500 bucks if you can play like him

Guitar Player , credits to ken again for finding this

Best Ever Robot Dance ! Robert Muraine

Credits to Ken for finding this...

Do Not Miss 4:29 onwards [3:30+ to 4:28 = judges talk]

Leo's Reason For Having LaLa Clothes

Shaun asked him why he doesn't buy his clothes from Giordano instead. (Shaun wants Leo to be less of a LaLa by buying what he himself wears).



Leo said :

"Got Giordano, but all the Giordano at my grandfather's house. Everytime I want to buy Giordano shirt my grandfather will stop me."


















"Only he can wear Giordano"

Good Compilation of funny Vids

ENjoy !

The Teacher's Response To Suicide

This is a true story.

Someone (Name withheld) was whining, "I want to kill myself la. I can't continue living this life anymore."



The teacher heard him and said out loudly :


"You want to commit suicide ah . . .















You beter go outside ah, I tell you!

Sequel - Kar Jun's Spyware Solution

Fascinated by Kar Jun's ' Wide Knowledge ' of handling virus during his ' Teachings ' to Teck Huat , I asked him the method of dealing with spyware's and got a few solutions..here's how it went literally...





" Kar Jun , how do you clear spywares in your com ? Spywares dont need to Puasa i think. "



" Oh , very easy one mah , u can put a SPYDERMAN there to catch all the spies mah "


" OMG , great solution huh ?! "


" Or you can put the TOTALLY SPY's there to kill the spies also mah "


{ speechless , i stare at him }
and came the finale.......




" Or you can pour curry inside the computer then too SPYCY then they die lo ! "

Is this gonna take long ?

"You have to either puke or laught at it" Mike Rowe

Pang : The Psychologist

Pang mentioned that his ambition is to be a psychologist!

Of course, we were against it right away.

I doubted his ability to discipline himself to study that much. Shaun, Tanzy and Matthew agreed that Pang will only worsen the already terrible mental state his patient is in.

"You will tell the fella to go and die lah." Shaun said.

"Ya, then you dont need any medicine at all. Cause the prescription for every patient is the same - 'Kill Yourself' "

Pang liked the idea. "Yala then I can tell all my patients to kill themselves and charge them consultation fee some more!"

"I'll tell all my patients that they are stupid and miserable. It's reverse psychology ma."


This is what his business card will look like if this sadist manifests.















We can only hope that he may not succeed or chooses a different career path. But that is uncertain.

What I'm certain, for now, is that no one will ever dare to visit Pang in the future after reading this

Handicap Part 2

We asked Wei Kwang :

Q: 什么动物天生残废？











Then Shaun asnwered : "Foong Jing Xian!"

We were smiling at him after giving the "not funny" look. But suddenly the entire atmosphere changed when -









Out of nowhere, Loke Voon Ho started laughing hysterically. He was laughing his ass off. We couldn't stand his cruelty anymore and joined him.



To Foong Jing Xian :

No offence, Foong. It's just a joke. It may be true, it may be not, but what im sure of that it is a joke. We didn't laugh at you. At first.

handicap

Q: 什么东西天生残废？










A: 龙虾 (聋瞎)




*from Kenny Ng

Low quality post -_-

Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette.
You don't have anything else with you in the boat.


How will you do it?


Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water.
So the boat will become LIGHTER........
using this LIGHTER you can light up the other Cigarette





Q: What is green and says "Im a frog."

A: A talking frog !

The La La Salesman

My father told us :

When we went to the furniture shop just now, there was this salesman who made me feel like not buying our furniture from there. When we went in, he introduced himself, he said, "I am Mr. Liew" (Wah, action!)

Later, when i found a nice sofa and asked him, "Can you give me some discount for this?"

He say, "This one already got 20% discount"

Then i said, "Can you give me more discount?"
























He told me, "Nevermind. You tell me your budget lah. I'll find another sofa for you."

Ze B'day Bash !

Since last year , we have never forgotten or rather more , LET GO of someone's birthday , everytime , we have a BIRTHDAY BASH for them as we are all very good and sincere friends , last week was Wei Kawng's turn for his Birthday Bash after we had futsal in the morning ... enJOY ! ( Very blurry and messy , but you'll be able to see Wei Kwang in his undies , watch at your own risk )

Japanese Toilet Training for Kids

Notice how the BOY pisses while sitting down

Kar Jun & Teck Huat : How To Destroy the Virus in You Computer Part 1 & 2

26/7 : Part 2 updated


Firstly, i woud like to say that Teck Huat is the quiet type and Kar Jun is the 1st or 2nd in the whole form.


I only heard the convo halfway.


Kar Jun :

You don't on the computer for one month will die or not? I tell you ah . . . you off your computer for one month the virus sure die. Beause they got no food to eat!


Teck Huat :

But the virus can puasa (fast) . . .


Kar Jun :

Nevermind. Then you off it for 1 year lah. Then the virus will die from malnutrition. Like beri-beri ah . . . marasmus ah . . . rickets ah . . .



Part 2 : The Following Day



Kar Jun :

Are you sure 1 antivirus is good enough? Work 24 hours a day. . Somemore no bonus.


Teck Huat :

My antivirus software (BitDefender) got win ICSA award . . .


Kar Jun :

1 where got enough? Should at least have 2 --- One morning shift one night shift. If he want to go shopping then how?


Teck Huat :

Antivirus how to go shopping . . .



















Kar Jun :

Neh --- Got eBay ma.

Q: Why cant the skeleton go to the school's prom ??

A: Because he have no-body to go with.





Q: Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?

A: He's all-right now




I went to the butcher's yesterday, and bet him fifty dollars that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.

He said, 'no, the steaks are too high."

Joy at the Chinese Class 2

It was the holidays and we were to go back to school for extra classes.

Our teacher brought some tea for us to drink. Then a teacher walked past our class and our teacher offered her some tea.


She said : "Wah, very delicious ah . . . What type of tea is this? Chinese tea?"


Our teacher replied : "No,



















Taiwan tea."


=====


You'll need to understand Bahasa Melayu and Mandarin for this next one.


During Chinese class, Johnny suddenly asked everyone : "Who is anak emas here?"


















哈哈! 你是'金'子!

Technology and Ian's question

Yesterday in school , during eanligh period , we were asked to do an essay exercise which offered 5 titles to choose from and one of it was...

' Technology is making man lazy. Discuss '




Then I heard Ian telling Ryan who were both sitting at the back of me " Why technology making man lazy ? Why man only ? Woman won't get lazy ah ? "

Shaun : I'm Sorry

It wad a really hot day in school and everyone was sweating.


Me : It's so HOT today!


Shaun [pats me on the back] : "I'm sorry"

Fastest Guitar Play - Flight of the Bumblebee

Big Big Blunders : Johnny Ho (Plus an extra bonus = Ho ho ho)

A group of boys were teasing each other. Halfway through, this happened.


A : "Your brain proess so slow."

B : "But my brain is Pentium 5."

A : "So what . . My brain Pentium 6."

Johnny Ho : "Mine is Vista!"




On an unrelated topic,

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,311797,00.html

Here's an extract :

SYDNEY,Australia — He is an unlikely revolutionary, but this Christmas, Santa is a rebel with a claus.

He is having the last laugh on political correctness — and it's a great big fat belly laugh.

Santas across Sydney, Australia, are rebelling against attempts to ban their traditional greeting of "ho, ho, ho" in favor of "ha, ha, ha."

Recruitment firm Westaff — which supplies hundreds of Santas across the country — has told its trainees that the "ho ho ho" phrase could frighten children and could even be derogatory to women.

Two Santa hopefuls reportedly quit the course because of the hullabaloo of the ho, ho, ho.

One would-be Santa has told The Daily Telegraph he was taught not to use "ho, ho, ho" because it was too close to the American slang for prostitute. He also quit.

"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs a campaign against sexualizing children called Kids Free 2B Kids. "We are talking about little kids who do not understand that 'ho, ho, ho' has any other connotation, and nor should they."

"Leave Santa alone," she added.

Westfield's Santas are recruited and trained by RegProm Marketing and they will be "ho, ho, ho-ing," a Westfield spokeswoman said.

"Part of our advice to our Santas is that they should be mindful of children having their first Santa experience," she added. "We ask our Santas to try techniques such as lowering their tone of voice and using 'ha, ha, ha' to encourage the children to come forward and meet Santa. We wish you and your family a very merry Christmas."

LOL WTH??

For some who may not know, "ho" is a slang for whore.

Big Chicken, Small Chicken

One day, Ali went to a restaurant and ordered a Chicken Chop


When his Chicken Chop was served, he was shocked at it's size.

He called the waiter and complained:

" Why this chicken so small, yesterday I ordered the same thing but it was two times bigger than this."


The waiter ask : Where did you seat yesterday ?

Ali : There, right beside the window. But wad does it got to do with the size of the chicken.


Waiter : Of course it does. Our manager told us to serve big portions to customer that seat beside the window, so that passer-bys can see.

17+ Jokes (read at your own risk)

*Disclaimer - Not my jokes , its funny and therefore posted here as an obscene label/section has already been set-up , if you find these jokes offensive for any reason , please let me know so I can remove it , DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SOMEONE OF PURITY LIKE PANG YOKE FEI *







John is engaged to Sara , finally the day came when John finally got to go to Sara's house and meet the family. When John first walked in to the house , he noticed Sara's SUPER HOT sister Lilly. Through out the night , Lilly was staring at John and John was not at all oblivious to this but pretended like he didn't know.


This went on for 2 months before John and Sara decided to get married. Two days before the marriage , John went over to Sara's house for the final checks on the wedding plans. Upon reaching the house , John went up to the door and knocked and was greeted by Lilly , Lilly invited him in and said " My whole family are out with Sara getting her ready for the big day and will be back in two hours , its just you and me now " .



John then said " No worries , I'll sit here and read te papers until they come home " and went over to the sofa and sat. 5 minutes later , Lilly went up to John , and ran her hand over his shoulders and said , " If you need anything , I'll be in my room , and just so you know , I find you very attractive and would do anything for you " and then went upstairs.


John sat there for 2 minutes before standing up and walking to the main door and went out towards his car where upon exiting the house , he saw his father-in-law walking towards him . His father-in-law cried and hugged John and said " Well done my son , you have passed our family's loyalty test towards my daughter Sara , it was a very wise choice for you to walk out of the house and not give in to lust , welcome to the family " .


John and Sara got married and lived happily ever after.


What's the moral of the story ?
Keep your condoms in your car !













It was a fine day in Superhero land , Superman was flying around the neighbourhood scouting for baddies when he suddenly flew across an apartment and noticed through one of the open windows that Wonder Woman was lying on her bed without any clothes on and since he always had a thing for Wonder Woman , he used his lightning speed and flew in and satisfied himself and flew out and away all in less then 2 seconds

Meanwhile , Wonder Woman did not have a clue what just happened although she noticed something different and asked " What just happened ? "










A voice came out " Some gay b******d just sodomised me ! "
It was Invinsible man who was all the while on top of wonder woman !